


The idiot and the wet blanket

by Nyoun



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2020-12-24 07:29:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21095723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyoun/pseuds/Nyoun
Summary: Simon and Baz are phone number neighbours.





	1. Week 1

**Author's Note:**

> Simon is a Normal. Baz got captured by numpties so his aunt Fiona force him to keep a phone with him 24/7. That was the deal if he ever wanted to go back to Watford. Penny is at Watford too.  
Traduction française : <https://archiveofourown.org/works/21096740/chapters/50196107>

**Simon**, _ Baz_,  Fiona, Penny

Wednesday AM 

(9:00) **hello phone number neighbour! how are u?**

(10:13)_ Phone number neighbour? Is it one of your jokes Fiona? _

(10:15) **who's fiona? **

(10:15) **no, it's not a jk**

(10:16) **we have the same phone number except for one number**

(10:16) **that's awesome right?**

(11:47) _ No. _

(11:52) **come on ! i'd like to have a cool phone number neighbour..  
**

(11:59) _ You should have hoped harder. _

Wednesday PM 

(1:12) **i will definitely hope harder for my other phone number neighbour**

(1:21) **do i should light a candle?**

(1:24) **nvm, i’ve done it**

(1:37) **oh no**

(1:37) **my cat just put his tail on it**

(1:37)** and he’s not moving away**

(1:38) **like he doesn’t feel the flames**

(1:39) **i think he doesn’t have any survival instinct**

(1:44) **i blew out the candle**

(1:53) **no damage on my cat’s tail**

(1:53) **just smells like smoke**

(2:07) **hope it’s not a sign of bad luck**

(2:35) **cross ur fingers bc i’m texting my other phone number neighbour**

(2:36) **arg’ it’s too long to say**

(2:36)** let’s say pnn instead**

(2:45) **ok, done!**

  
*

(4:00) _ Is this one of your jokes? _

(4:00) What are you talking about?

(4:02) _ The idiot. _

(4:03)  The only idiot I know is the one who got captured by the numpties.

(4:07) _ You can stop with that. _

(4:15)  No. It’s the only reason I gave you a phone. 

(4:18) _ You know I can just get rid of it? _

(4:18)  Don’t you dare Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. 

(4:20) _ Fine. Bye. _

(4:21) Don’t get caught by the numpties!

Thursday AM 

(8:37) **remember when i said u weren’t cool?**

(8:38)** i take that back**

(8:38)** u’re definitely cool**

(8:39) **and this fire thing was definitely a sign of bad luck**

(8:50) _ I know I am cool. _

(8:53) **!!!!**

(8:53) **an anws!**

(8:53) **finally!**

(8:54) **were u busy?**

(8:59) _ No. _

(9:00) **then why didn’t u answer me???**

(9:32) _I did not want to. _

(9:34) **and u want it now?**

(10:15) _ No. _

(10:21) **then why are u doing it?**

(10:52) _ Social experience. _

(11:03) **what?**

(11:03)** why?**

(11:06)** i’m offended**

(11:10) _ I’m just wondering which one of you rubbed off on the other. _

(11:10) **who?**

(11:11) **about what? **

(11:11) **u’re not making any sense**

(11:22)_ Between you and your cat. Because none of you have any survival instinct. _

(11:23) **i have one!**

(11:24)** i don’t put my tail on a candle!**

(11:36) _ But you talk with strangers. _

(11:36) **u 2**

(11:39) _ Yes. But I don’t have to worry about you. You are stupid. _

(11:42)** that’s rude**

(11:45) **u don’t even know me**

(11:57) _ I do not have to. I already know it. _

(11:58) **And u, u’re mean**

(11:58) **u’re not cool at all**

(11:59) **i take that back again**

Thursday PM 

(12:34) _ Then, go bother your other phone number neighbour. _

(1:24) **we agreed to say pnn now!**

(1:36)_ I did not. It is hideous. _

(1:38) **but it’s shorter!**

(1:39) **think of the time we can save by writing pnn**

(1:42) _ Think of the time I can save by not talking to you. _

(1:43)** but u still do it anyway**

(1:44) _ I am done with this. Bye. _

(1:44) **nooooooo!**

(1:44) **don’t leave me!**

(1:45) **please!**

(1:45) **pleaaaaase! **

(1:45) **i don’t want to talk to my other pnn**

(1:45) **they scare me**

(1:46) **they just sent me a dickpic**

(1:46) **help! **

(1:47) **i don’t know how to block them**

(1:47) _ I should block you. _

(1:47) **noooo**

(1:48)** don’t leave me again**

(1:48) **i need u in my life**

(1:49) **i’m nice**

(1:49) **and cool**

(1:56) **i’ll do pancakes for ur breakfast**

(1:59) **come on!**

(1:59) _ Shut up, then, I am going to class. _

(2:00) **thanks!!!!!**

Saturday AM 

(2:47) **ur other pnn is so cooool!**

(3:23) **u should text her!**

(11:05) _ Why did you even talk to her? She is not your phone number neighbour. And what about your survival instinct? Did you forget your other phone number neighbour? _

(11:08) **pnn***

(11:08) **i didn’t forget. i could never after what i’ve seen**

(11:09) **but i love adventure**

(11:09) **my survival instinct is fine**

(11:10) **are u jealous?**

(11:11)** i was not sure u would answer me anymore, so i had to find someone els**e

(11:12) **and actually she’s practically my neighbour**

(11:12) **it's like we’re on the same road**

(11:15) **we should do neighbour’s day!!!**

Monday PM 

(5:32) **abt neighbour’s day**

(5:32) _ No. _

(5:33) **but u don’t even know what I was going to say!**

(5:47) _ Do not count me in. I will be not available. _

(5:49) **u’re not cool**

(6:27)_ You have already said that. _

(6:34)** but it’ll be fun!**

(6:34) **there’ll be a lot of foooood**

(6:39) **and music**

(6:48) **and food**

  
*

(6:52) **they doesn’t want to do neighbour’s day**

(6:56) Me neither.

(6:56)** nooooo **

(6:57) **u can’t let me down too  
**

(7:03) It’s dangerous. And you’re naive.

(7:05)** i’m not!**

(7:05) Yes, you are. We could be psychopaths.

(7:06) **but u’re not**

(7:07) I can’t take the risk. You seem nice, but stranger danger.

(7:08) **:c**

(7:08) **ok**

(7:22) **can we still talking?**

(7:25) Sure!

(7:29) **u’re the best**

  
*

(7:09) **abort neighbour’s day **

(7:10)** I repeat**

(7:10) **abort neighbour’s day **

(7:20)** !!!**

(7:24) _ I was not involved in it. So, I do not care. _

(7:25) **penny didn’t want to participate either**

(7:25) **no one has my back in this district**

(7:26) **she said i was naive**

(7:26)** i’m not**

(7:27) **u’re not a psychopath are u?**

(7:39) _ I am. _

(7:45) **a psychopath wouldn’t tell it**

(7:45) **so u’re not**

(7:45) **i was right**

(7:52) _ She was right. You are naive. _

(7:52) **I’M NOT**

(8:13) _ And she is naive too. _

(8:20) **???**

(8:26)_ She already gave you her name. Unless it’s a fake one, it’s dangerous. _

(8:27) **i don’t even know her last name**

(8:27) **it’s safe**

(8:30) **what’s ur name?**

(8:31) _ You will never know. _

(8:32)** never say never**

(8:32)** what’s ur name?**

(8:38) **what’s ur name?**

(8:46)** what’s ur name?**

(8:49) **i need it to give u a name on my phone**

(9:02) **what’s ur name?**

(9:10) **ok**

(9:10) **i go with buzz killer**

(9:15)** no**

(9:15) **it’s too awesome**

(9:26) **i renamed u wet blanket**

(9:43) _ You are idiot. _

(9:45)** i’m not**

(9:46) _ Yes, you are. It’s your name on my phone. _

(9:49)** aaaw u registered me!**

(9:50) **btw my name is simon**

(9:57) _ I prefer idiot. I keep it._

(10:00) **wet blanket  
**


	2. Week 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The messages between — … — are messages written but never sent.

**Simon**, _ Baz_,  Fiona, Penny

Wednesday AM 

(6:47) **helloooo wet blanket!**

(6:47) **how are u today?**

(6:48) **sleep well?**

(7:15) _ Idiot. _

(7:21) **someone is grumpy today**

(7:23) **and it’s not me**

(7:23) **i’m very happy**

(7:26) _ Don’t you have friends to annoy? _

(7:27) **u ARE my friend**

(7:28)_ I am not. _

(7:29)** it hurts**

(7:30) **but i’m still happy!**

(7:34) **bc today is a big day!**

(7:37) **i met you a week ago!**

(7:37) **AND i’m going to do the groceries!**

(8:07) _ I think you are the only person I know who actually like going to do the groceries. What is wrong with you? _

(8:08) **it’s just so fun**

(8:08) **and exciting**

(8:09) **and i love food**

(8:09) **what’s wrong with U?**

(8:09) **how can u not like it?**

(8:12) _ No one likes it. _

(8:12) **i like it!**

(8:14) _ You are not a person of discernment, so you don’t count. _

(8:15) **i’ll organize a march for ppl who like grocery shopping**

(8:20)_ You will be _ _ on your own__. What a waste of time. _

(8:20) **pff!**

(8:21)** instead of being mean, help me choose what to buy**

(8:26) _ A survival instinct. _

(8:27) **u’re useless**

*****

(8:22) **do u like grocery shopping?**

(8:23) No. 

(8:24) **i really am the only one**

(8:24) Yes.

(8:25) Now don’t be dramatic. You’re one of a kind.

(8:26) **i’m never dramatic**

(8:29) Yeah, yeah. Drama Queen.

  
  


Wednesday PM 

(4:32)** i’m so saaad**

(5:07) _ What happened to your earlier happiness? _

(5:07) **it’s not there anymore**

(5:25) **u should ask me why**

(5:31) _ I will not. _

(5:32) **fine**

(5:32) **i’ll tell u anyway**

(5:33) **so**

(5:33) **i like to take my time**

(5:33) **bc i like going everywhere in the store**

(5:34) **i really love seeing all the food and making choices after that**

(5:35) **but my tutor rushed me**

(5:35) **and i don’t like that**

(5:36) **i can’t stand ** **being pressured**

(5:36) **it ruined my mood**

(5:37) **so i just pick****ed** ** some random things**

(5:37) **and i forgot my scones**

(5:38) **i’m desperate**

(5:39) **i’m sure she hates me**

(5:40) _ She is not the only one. _

(5:41) **what have i done this time?**

(5:47) _ Why can’t you just send me one message to tell me all _ _ this _ _ ? My phone _ _ wouldn’t stop _ _ ringing. I can’t concentrate. _

(5:48) **this is why u hate me ? **

(5:48) **ok, sorry**

(5:55) **it’s just because ** **i send messages when they come to my mind**

(5:56) _ You are so impulsive. And by the way, your writing is terrible. _

(5:57) **i just don’t waste time with meaningless things**

(5:59) _ It is worst than I thought. _

(6:10) **don’t be so condescending**

(6:11) **u don’t have to write like an aristocrat when u’re texting**

(6:11) **but u can do it if u want ** **to**

(6:12) **and so do i if i prefer to write like that**

(6:13) **my writing is maybe not as fancy as urs**

(6:13) **but i****’m not ** **worth** ** less** ** than u**

(6:36) **i’m sorry **

(6:40) _ No. I am sorry. _

(6:43) **oh**

(6:43) **i didn’t expect that**

(6:43) **but thank u**

(6:45) _ Don’t get used to it. _

(6:46) **it would have surprised me ahah**

(7:01) **so we’re good?**

(7:05) _ Yes, we are good. _

(7:06) **yeaaah u’re my best friend**

(7:06) **with penny**

(7:10) _ But you _ _ met _ _ us like a week ago. _

(7:11) **so?**

(7:13) _ Don’t you have other friends? Real life friends who you know since a long time ago? _

(7:14)** …**

(7:14) **u’re real life friends**

(7:15) **even if we haven’t seen each other yet**

(7:18) _ You don’t have many friends, _ _ do _ _ you? _

(7:19) **don’t be mean again**

(7:20) _ No, no. It’s just… I don’t have many friends either. _

(7:20) **oh**

(7:21) **so let’s be friend****s** **!**

(7:23) _ I thought we already were. You said it. _

(7:23) **YES**

(7:24) **WE ARE FRIENDS**

(7:25) _ But, actually, I don’t really know why you are talking to me. I mean… I am not that nice. _

(7:26) **u’re nicer than ** **most ** **people i know**

(7:28) _ They must be pretty bad. _

(7:29) **yeah whatever**

(7:40) _ Why did you contact me anyway? _

(7:41)** i said it**

(7:41) **u’re my pnn**

(7:42) **everyone texted their pnn on twitter**

(7:42) **so i had to do it too**

(7:45) _ If everyone jump__s _ _ off a bridge, will you do it too? _

(7:46) **it’s a weird question**

(7:47) **of course i’ll do it**

(7:47) **it seems fun**

(7:47) **but only in ** **the ** **summer**

(7:48) **otherwise the water ** **will be ** **cold**

(7:52) _ You are definitely stupid. _

(7:53) **ur question was stupid**

(8:59) **actually**

(9:00) **i hoped u’d send me a text first**

(9:02) _ I don’t have Twitter. _

(9:02) **!!!**

(9:03) **WHAT??**

(9:03) **ARE U SERIOUS?**

(9:03) **what’s wrong with u?**

(9:04) _ It’s not a big deal. _

(9:04) **Yes, it is.**

(9:06) _ Oh. You used punctuation. That’s a big deal. _

(9:07) **I’m shocked**

(9:08) _ Hang on. _

(9:08) **what?**

(9:08) **why do i have to hang on?**

(9:09) **fuck**

(9:09) **i don’t have anything to hang on**

(9:11) **the suspense** ** is killing me**

(9:15) **u’re horrible**

(9:16) _ I don’t even have internet _ _ access _ _ in here. _

(9:24) **…**

(9:29) **it was the sound of my death**

(9:30) _ Silence: I liked it. _

(9:30) **come on!**

(9:31) **how can u survive without ** **the ** **internet?**

(9:32) **u’re the one who should be dead**

(9:34) _ Actually _ _ I already am _ _ . But whatever. _

(9:35) **i bet u are!**

(9:36) **i’m really sorry for u**

(9:37) _ Don’t be. I’m ok. _

(9:37) **NO**

(9:38) **u’re not**

(9:38) **u need help**

(9:39) **i’m gonna get u out of here**

(9:42) _ You will not even pass the front door. _

(9:44) **don’t test me**

(9:45) _ I don’t want your help. _

(9:45) **u’re confused**

(9:46) **u don’t know what u’re saying**

(9:48) _ No. I’m fine. Really. I don’t get the point of internet and the point of Twitter even less. _

(9:49) **r u one of these person who criticize****s something before even trying it** ** ?**

(9:52) _ Hm. I tried using it it but I prefer books. There are so many wrong things on the internet. And bad people. _

(9:52) **u could find friends**

(9:57) _ So you think I’m a bad person. I can’t blame you. _

(9:58) **it’s not what i meant**

(9:59) _ No. It’s ok. I should go to sleep. _

(9:59) **oh**

(10:00) **ok**

(10:00) **g’night**

Thursday AM 

(2:12) **hey**

(2:12) **i can’t sleep**

(2:13) **i****’m** ** think****ing about** ** what i said**

(2:14) **i’m sorry**

(2:14) **i shouldn’t have said that**

(2:15)** it was stupid**

(2:15) **i’m stupid**

(2:15) **u were right**

(2:16) **i hope u don’t hate me**

(2:16) **even if i deserve it**

(2:17) **u’re nice**

(2:20) **oops, hope ur phone is off**

(3:46) **i really liked talking to u**

(7:45) _ You’re lucky I’ve turned off my phone. Do you ever sleep? _

(7:47) **i sleep…**

(7:47) **… in class**

(7:52) _ You know, night _ _ is to __sleep and class __to __study. _

(7:53) **yeah, i know**

(7:53) **but i prefer to live at night**

(7:54) **it’s more peaceful**

(7:54) **and class is boring**

(7:57) _ Actually, I’m going to class, so I will not be available. _

(7:58) **fine Mister / Miss Serious**

(7:59) _ It’s Mister. _

(7:59) **OMG**

(8:00) **that’s the first personal thing you’ve told me**

*****

(8:01) **it’s a boy!!!**

(8:03) Cool, Simon. But I’m in class right now.

(8:04) **why ** **is ** **everyone in class ** **right now ** **?**

(8:10) Because we’re students. You should be in class too.

(8:11) **yeah… **

*****

(10:12) **so what’s ur name?**

(12:02) _ I’m not going to tell you. _

(12:03) **i tried**

(12:03) **it’s lunch time so i’ll not be available**

(12:03) **see u**

(12:04) _ We e__ach _ _ have our _ _ own priorities. _

Thursday PM 

(1:12) **mister serious and mister food**

(1:13) **bc food never disappoints me**

(1:25) _ I should tell you something… _

(1:25) **what?**

(1:29) **u can’t say that and ** **then ** **disappear**

(1:33) **it’s cruel**

(1:35) _ I’m not really a food lover. Actually I don’t like eating. _

(1:20) **…**

(1:23) **do u want me to die everyday?**

(1:25) _ Maybe. Is it working? _

(1:26) **almost**

(1:29) _ Damn it. _

(1:32) **i know u’re not serious**

(1:33) **bc ** **u’d ** **miss me**

(1:42) _ Maybe. _

(1:43) **!!!**

(1:43) **i take that ** **as a** ** win**

(9:04) **u should tell me more big revelations**

(9:05) **to make me die**

(9:07) _ Nice try but I _ _ w__on’t buy it. _

(9:07) **damn it**

Friday PM 

(2:03) **i want to talk to him**

(2:09) Do it then.

(2:10) **i can’t**

(2:13) Why?

(2:16) **i think he doesn’t like me and i don’t want him to hate me**

(2:18) I’m sure he likes you. 

(2:19) **no**

(2:20) Talk to him.

Saturday AM 

(4:24) **i tried not texting u but it’s so haaaard**

(10:47) _ Why ? _

(10:48) **bc i like talking to u**

(10:48) **i already told u that**

(10:49) _ No, but why did you try to _ _ stop _ _ texting me ? _

(10:49) **oh**

(10:50) **bc i don’t want to bother u**

(10:58) _ That’s actually sweet. _

*

(10:59) **omg**

(10:59) **OMG**

(10:59)** penny**

(11:00) **PENNY**

(11:00) **he said i’m sweet**

(11:00) **SWEET**

(11:03) Wow. Happy for you, Simon.

*

(11:01) **do u like me?**

(11:02) _ What? No. Why? _

(11:03) **oh**

(11:03) **ok**

(11:03) **i was right**

(11:04) **u don’t like me**

(11:05) _ No. _

(11:07) **i understood the first time**

(11:09) _ No. It’s not that. I don’t know you so I can’t say if I like you or not. _

(11:09) **oh i see**

(11:10) **let’s get to know each other then**

(11:17) _ Oh Merlin, what have I done? _

(11:17) **merlin?**

(11:18) **that’s funny**

(11:19) _ Yeah, I mean “Oh God”. _

(11:20) **i like urs better**

(11:32) **so**

(11:32) **let’s introduce ourselves**

(11:32) **and do a questions game!**

(11:39) _ Fantastic. You start. _

(11:39) **ok**

(11:40) **my name is simon**

(11:40) **i’m 17**

(11:41) **i love food**

(11:41) **i have a cat named rocky**

(11:41) **i’m an orphan**

(11:45) **and i don’t know what else to say so... ur turn**

(11:56) _ My name is wet blanket. _

(11:56) _ I’m between 1 and 230. _

(11:57) _ I don’t love food. _

(11:57) _ I don’t have a cat named Rocky. _

(11:58) _ I’m not an orphan. _

Saturday PM 

(1:23) **…**

(1:23) **u’re not funny**

(1:24) **we can’t get to know each other like ** **this**

(1:24) **it’s not fair if i’m the only one to say things about me**

(1:49) _ My name is Baz. _

(1:50) **nice to meet u baz**

(1:50) _ Let me finish. _

(1:51) **ok! my mouth is shut**

(1:52) _ I’m 17 too. _

(1:52) _ I love football. _

(1:53) _ I had a roommate named Jake. _

(1:55) _ My mum died when I was a kid. _

(2:02) **thank u**

*****

(1:51) **his name is baz**

(1:51) **it sounds like a bee**

(1:53) A guy in my class calls himself Baz.

(1:53) **omg**

(1:54) **maybe it’s the same person!**

(1:58) No way. He doesn’t have a phone. And it would be quite a coincidence.

Sunday PM 

(8:45) **now it’s question time!**

(8:59) _ Fine… _

(9:02) **what’s ur favorite color?**

(9:03) _ Red. _

(9:09) **it’s ur turn to ask a question**

(9:16) _ What’s your favorite food? _

(9:17) **tough one**

(9:17) **hm**

(9:18) **roast beef**

(9:18) **what’s ur favorite drink?**

(9:27) _ Pumpkin Spice Latte. Do you believe in magic? _

(9:28) **the starbucks’ one is really good**

(9:28) **yes! **

— (9:29) _ Ok, cool, because I’m a Mage. — _

(9:29) **where do u live?**

(9:31) _ I won’t tell you. Pick another question. _

(9:32) **pff**

(9:32) **what’s ur favorite movie?**

(9:35) _ Hidden Figures. What’s your favorite book? _

(9:37) **they both die at the end**

(9:38) **who’s ur role model?**

— (9:39) _ My mom. — _

(9:40) _ I don’t need one. Who is your celebrity crush? _

(9:41) **lily collins**

(9:41) **what’s the most embarrassing moment u’ve ever lived?**

(9:43) _When I got the wrong fork._ _When __wa__s the last time you cr__ied__?_

(9:43) **… ** **was** ** it really embarrassing?**

(9:44) **don’t answer! it’s not my question**

(9:44) **yesterday**

(9:44) **what’s ur biggest fear?**

(9:45) _ The discovery of my secret. Why did you cry? _

(9:46) **someone was mean**

(9:46) **which secret?**

(9:48) _ If I t__ell _ _ you it won’t be a secret anymore. Do you want me to _ _ scare _ _ them? _

(9:49) **u’****d** ** do that for me?**

(9:50) _ I’m offering__… _

— (9:50) **yes!!! **— 

(9:51) **it’s nice**

(9:51) **but i don’t want to become like him**

(9:52) **thanks anyway**

(9:53) _ Are you ok? _

(9:53) **yeah**

(9:54) **i don’t want to talk about it**

(9:56) _ Ok. I have to go to sleep. This questions thing was not horrible. _

(9:57) **i know right?**

(9:57) **i always have good ideas**

(9:58) _ Don’t push it. _

(9:58) **i’m going to pretend i didn’t read ** **that**

(9:59) **g’night**

Monday AM 

(7:03) **i hate mondays**

(7:47) _ Me too. _

(9:10) **why do i have to wake up so early to be bored in class?**

(10:15) _ Why do you go to class if you don’t want to? _

(10:16) **i don’t have the choice**

(11:58) _ Poor thing. _

Monday PM 

(12:40)  What about the idiot? 

(12:42) _ What are you talking about? _

(12:44)  Do you still talk to him? 

(12:45) _ None of your business. _

(12:46)  So, it’s a yes. 

(12:48)  Do you like him? 

(12:50) _ Fuck off. _

(12:52)  Ok, ok! Don’t get caught by the numpties! 

*

(12:56) **come and get me out of here**

(1:02) _ I can’t. I have class this afternoon. _

(1:03) **save meeeee**

(1:03) **pleaaaaase**

(1:04) _ No. _

(1:05) **:’(**

(1:06) _ I want my eyes to burn. _

(1:07) **:’’’’’’(**

(1:08) _ Stop it or I will never come even if I have time. _

(1:09) **when do u have time?**

(1:10) _ Not today. _

(1:11) **i’ll see u another day then**

(5:04) **i want to talk about the wrong fork**

(5:05) _ What about it? _

(5:06) **was ** **it really embarrassing?**

(5:06) **was ** **it really the MOST embarrassing moment u****’ve** ** ever lived?**

(5:07) _ Yes. _

(5:08) **on which planet do u live?**

(5:10)_ On planet Earth. _

(5:11) **i can’t believe it**

(5:12) **what is ur life like?**

(5:13) _ It’s a “normal” life. _

(5:14) **not at all**

(5:15) **i only have one fork**

(5:15) _ Me too. Except for the Sunday meals and Christmas. _

(5:17) **i’m a little reassured**

(5:17) **but i still think it’s not embarrassing to ** **pick ** **the wrong fork**

(5:19) _ You should have seen my father’s face. _

(5:20) **big question in coming**

(5:23) **are u an aristocrat?**

(5:23) _ Ahaha, no! I’m just from an old and traditional family. _

(5:24) **lucky u**

(5:24) _ I’m not sure about that. _

(5:25) **at least u have a family**

(5:26) _ Yes. But you too. You have a cat, right? _

(5:26) **yes**

(5:27) **u’re right**

(5:27) **he’s my baby**

(5:27) **he’s my family**

(5:28) **i love him**

(5:28) **and he loves me**

(5:31) _ I read a thing the other day: it’s about telling your cat you love him. You look at him in the eyes and close your eyes slowly during 2 or 3 seconds thinking of your love for him. He could do the same to answer you. You should try. _

(5:32) **wow**

(5:32) **i’ll try!**

(5:33) **thank u!**

(8:56) **i tried**

(8:57) **it didn’t work**

(8:57) **i thought he was going to answer me but he only closed his eyes to yawn**

(9:03) _ I’m sorry, but it’s very funny. I like your cat. _

(9:04) **i’m sure you prefer my cat ** **over ** **me**

(9:04) _ Absolutely. _

(9:05) **but we’re almost the same**

(9:05) **he’s my child**

(9:06) **and we rub off on each other**

(9:07) _ “almost” _

(9:08) **one day u’ll prefer me**

(9:08) _ You wish. _

(9:09) **u’ll see**

(9:59) **g’night**

Tuesday AM 

(7:36) **do u have time today?**

(7:37) _ No. _

(7:38) **:’(**

(7:39) _ And _ _ didn’t _ _ you told me that you _ _ would _ _ save me from this place first? _

(7:40) **we could save each other**

(7:48) **do u prefer me or my cat?**

(7:49) _ Your cat. _

(7:50) **:’(**

(7:50) **so much disappointment in such a short time**

(7:52) _ It was predictable: It’s a school day and you have done nothing more since yesterday to make me like you more than your cat. _

(7:54) **i hate ** **it ** **when u’re right**

(7:55) _ I’m always right. _

(7:55) **don’t push it**

(7:56) _ It’s only the truth. _

(7:57) **yeah, yeah**

Tuesday PM 

(1:45) **what do i have to do to make you like me more than my cat?**

(1:48) _ You have to find it by yourself. _

(1:50) **come on**

(1:50) **help me**

(1:51) _ Actually I don’t know. _

(1:52) **th****is had been very helpful**

(1:55) _ I don’t want you to change so that I like you. Just be yourself. _

(1:55) **oh**

(1:56) **but what if u don’t like me?**

(1:58) _ It’s not that bad. Not everyone can like you. _

(1:59) **but nobody likes me**

(2:00) _ Because nobody deserves you. What__’s _ _ the point of being loved if you’re not yourself? _

(2:02) **u’re right again**

(2:03) **u should follow this advice too**

(5:04) _ I don’t _ _ know _ _ what you mean. _

(5:15) **u act like u’re a bad guy**

(5:15) **but actually u’re a sweet boy**

(5:16) _ I’m not. _

(5:17) **i’m sure u are**

(5:19) _ If you really knew me, you would hate me. _

(5:20) **it’s too late**

(5:20) **i already like you**

(5:21) _ You shouldn’t. I’m a monster. _

(5:22) **no, u’re not**

(5:23) **i feel it in my belly**

(5:24) _ Your belly is wrong. You’re wrong. _

(5:25) **no**

— (5:25) _ I don’t want to hurt you. You’re so nice. I think you’re the only person who really likes me and I don’t want to ruin that. I’m sorry. — _

(5:26) _ I can’t talk to you anymore. I’m sorry. _

(5:26) **no!**

(5:27) **baz!**

(5:27) **don’t leave!**

(5:27) **baaaaz**

*

(5:30) **he left**

(5:34) Oh no. I’m sorry. What happened?

(5:35) **he said he’s a monster and he can’t talk to me anymore**

(5:36) I’m really sorry.

(5:37) **me too**

*****

(6:02) **baz?**

(7:12) **baz??**

(8:09) **baz?**

(9:24) **baz?**

(9:58) **g’night baz**

— (11:50) **i change my answer, the last time i cried is now **— 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ! I'll try to post once a month but sorry if I fail.  
Hope you liked this chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a transition towards the next chapter. Sometimes the story will progress through Twitter, so I will do updates about it. To not go directly into the sequel of the story, I prefer to write some tweets about the past two weeks to show you how I’ll present it. So this is a selection of some of Simon’s tweets.  
He tweets all the f*cking time so I didn’t have the patience to write everything. He tweets about all of his meals (always with a food’s trigger warning), about his cat, his daily life, basically about everything. He’s an open book so he practically says the same things in his texts and on Twitter. And just so you know, Agatha answers to almost all his tweets. I think she receives a notification everytime he tweets.  
I put some of Agatha’s tweets as well. Penny and Baz don’t have accounts (yet).

Simon = @sweetdragon

Agatha = @blondangel_

**Simon**, _Baz_, Penny, _**Agatha**_

Wednesday 

**@sweetdragon**, 11/19/2014, 8:16am:

why hasn’t my phone number neighbour texted me yet ? 

**@blondangel_**, 11/19/2014, 8:20am:

Why haven’t you texted them yet?

**@sweetdragon**, 11/19/2014, 8:41am:

u’re a genius

**@blondangel_**, 11/19/2014, 8:42am:

I know

**@sweetdragon**, 11/19/2014, 9:02am:

i sent a text to my phone number neighbour, cross ur fingers

**@blondangel_**, 11/19/2014, 9:03am:

*fingers crossed emoji*

**@sweetdragon**, 11/19/2014, 10:14am:

they answered!!!!

**@blondangel_**, 11/19/2014, 10:16am: 

Lucky u! Mine didn’t. Neither of them.

**@sweetdragon**, 11/19/2014, 10:36am:

it suuuuucks

**@sweetdragon**, 11/19/2014, 10:16am:

i’m definitely not fiona

**@blondangel_**, 11/19/2014, 10:17am: 

Who’s Fiona?

**@sweetdragon**, 11/19/2014, 10:36am:

i don’t know

**@sweetdragon**, 11/19/2014, 1:55pm:

why is my cat so stupid?

**@blondangel_**, 11/19/2014, 1:58pm:

Bc you’re his father 

Thursday 

**@sweetdragon**, 11/20/2014, 8:40pm:

my first pnn is the best

**@blondangel_**, 11/20/2014, 8:40pm:

I thought they was mean

**@sweetdragon**, 11/20/2014, 8:42pm:

yeah, but my second pnn sent me dickpics

**@blondangel_**, 11/20/2014, 8:45pm:

Ok, but I could be the best

Friday 

**@sweetdragon**, 11/21/2014, 7:22pm:

i texted someone else (the pnn of my pnn) and she’s super cool

**@blondangel_**, 11/21/2014, 7:25pm:

Why doesn’t he text ME?

Saturday 

**@sweetdragon**, 11/22/2014, 11:20am:

i’m a genius (neighbour’s day is coming)

**@blondangel_**, 11/22/2014, 11:22pm:

Hope I’ll be invited

Monday 

**@sweetdragon**, 11/24/2014, 7:12pm:

they don’t understand my genius

**@blondangel_**, 11/24/2014, 7:14pm:

The burden of being a genius

**@sweetdragon**, 11/24/2014, 10:02pm:

wet blanket

**@blondangel_**, 11/24/2014, 10:03pm:

???

Wednesday 

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 8:24am:

who likes grocery shopping?

**@blondangel_**, 11/26/2014, 8:26am:

Not me

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 8:28am:

so i really am the only one. what a sad world. what have i done in my past lives to be so lonely?

**@blondangel_**, 11/26/2014, 8:29am:

Don’t be such a Drama Queen

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 8:32am:

why does everyone think that i’m a drama queen???

**@blondangel_**, 11/26/2014, 8:33am:

Bc you are

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 4:20pm:

i forgot my scones, it’s the worst day of my life

**@blondangel_**, 11/26/2014, 4:25pm:

Drama Queen

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 4:29pm:

u don’t understand, scones are everything to me

**@blondangel_**, 11/26/2014, 4:32pm:

Why can’t I be everything for him?

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 6:27pm:

why am i such an idiot?

**@blondangel_**, 11/26/2014, 6:30pm:

What happened??

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 6:41pm:

false alert, everything is fine

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 6:42pm:

they said “I’m sorry” to ME, no one ever said that to me before

**@blondangel_**, 11/26/2014, 6:48pm:

A good person doesn’t need to say sorry.

A good person doesn’t hurt others. 

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 7:24pm:

good news!!! we’re friends!!

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 7:52pm:

If everyone jumps off a bridge, would you do it too? 

**@blondangel_**, 11/26/2014, 7:52pm:

NO????

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 7:58pm:

ok, i think i just don’t understand the question

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 9:03pm:

i can’t believe it!!!! my pnn doesn’t have twitter

**@blondangel_**, 11/26/2014, 9:04pm:

At least they can’t see what you write about them

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 9:05pm:

i didn’t think about that, thank god

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 9:17pm:

even WORSE

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 9:17pm:

they doesn’t have the I N T E R N E T

**@blondangel_**, 11/26/2014, 9:20pm:

Whaaaaat? How can they survive?

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 9:34pm:

That’s exactly what i asked them

**@sweetdragon**, 11/26/2014, 10:00pm:

i think i’ve said something wrong

Thursday 

**@sweetdragon**, 11/27/2014, 1:23am:

i really am an idiot

**@sweetdragon**, 11/27/2014, 7:55am:

i think we’re still friends

**@sweetdragon**, 11/27/2014, 8:00am:

it’s a boyyyy 

**@blondangel_**, 11/27/2014, 8:04am:

I didn’t know you were pregnant ;)

**@sweetdragon**, 11/27/2014, 8:29am:

don’t be silly, u know who i’m talking about

**@blondangel_**, 11/27/2014, 8:32am:

So you’re gay now?

**@sweetdragon**, 11/27/2014, 8:35am:

what? no! he’s my buddy

Saturday 

**@sweetdragon**, 11/29/2014, 11:02am:

he said i'm sweet

**@blondangel_**, 11/29/2014, 11:13am:

???

**@sweetdragon**, 11/29/2014, 11:29am:

i don't understand it either

**@blondangel_**, 11/29/2014, 11:31am:

It's bc you are sweet

**@blondangel_**, 11/29/2014, 11:32am:

I say he's sweet all the time…

**@sweetdragon**, 11/29/2014, 2:05pm:

i know his name

**@blondangel_**, 11/29/2014, 2:05pm:

!!! Tell me !

Start of private messages (11/29/2014, 2:07pm)

**@sweetdragon** : baz

**@blondangel_** : that's cute

**@blondangel_** : it's short and catchy

**@sweetdragon** : i know, right?

**@sweetdragon** : i can't stop saying it at loud

**@blondangel_** : ;)

End of private messages (11/29/2014, 2:13pm)

**@blondangel_**, 11/29/2014, 2:12pm:

happy and sad at the same time

Sunday 

**@sweetdragon**, 11/30/2014, 10:00pm:

we did a questions game and now i know some personal things about him

**@blondangel_**, 11/30/2014, 10:29pm:

so?

**@sweetdragon**, 11/30/2014, 10:54pm:

he's cute

Monday 

**@sweetdragon**, 12/01/2014, 5:09pm:

how can the most embarrassing moment you lived be choosing the wrong fork??

**@blondangel_**, 12/01/2014, 5:12pm:

rich people

**@sweetdragon**, 12/01/2014, 5:19pm:

hmmm, he could buy me a lot of food, interesting

**@blondangel_**, 12/01/2014, 5:23pm:

i don't know how your stomach can survive all of this food

**@sweetdragon**, 12/01/2014, 5:28pm:

i trained it, it's tough

**@blondangel_**, 12/01/2014, 5:30pm:

*food emoji*

**@sweetdragon**, 12/01/2014, 5:31pm:

thank u, i'm hungry now

**@blondangel_**, 12/01/2014, 5:34pm:

you're always hungry sweety

**@sweetdragon**, 12/01/2014, 8:59pm:

my cat doesn’t love me

**@blondangel_**, 12/01/2014, 9:02pm:

why?

**@sweetdragon**, 12/01/2014, 9:07pm:

bc he didn’t blink 

**@blondangel_**, 12/01/2014, 9:10pm:

well, ok

Tuesday 

**@blondangel_**, 12/02/2014, 4:06pm:

hope he’s happy

Thursday 

**@sweetdragon**, 12/04/2014, 2:02am:

does anyone know of any good sleeping pills?

**@blondangel_**, 12/04/2014, 6:10am:

why?

**@sweetdragon**, 12/04/2014, 6:43am:

i need to sleep so i can stop thinking

**@blondangel_**, 12/04/2014, 6:44am:

what happened?

**@sweetdragon**, 12/04/2014, 6:46am:

i don't want to talk about it

**@blondangel_**, 12/04/2014, 6:46am:

i'm here if you need to

Friday 

**@sweetdragon**, 12/05/2014, 1:13pm:

i can't even eat anymore

Start of private messages (12/05/2014, 1:16pm)

**@blondangel_** : what's going on? and don't tell me nothing bc i know it's a lie. you love food.

**@sweetdragon** : it's baz

**@blondangel_** : i could guess that

**@sweetdragon **: how?

**@blondangel_** : … are you stupid?

**@blondangel_** : whatever

**@blondangel_** : what happened?

**@sweetdragon **: i said i don't want to talk about it

**@blondangel_ **: you need to, it'll be easier after that

**@sweetdragon** : i doubt it but fine

**@sweetdragon** : baz won’t answer me

**@blondangel_** : what? why?

**@sweetdragon** : he said he's a monster and he can't talk to me anymore

**@blondangel_** : he's a monster to leave you like that

**@sweetdragon** : he's not a monster agatha

**@blondangel_ **: ok.. but he left you

**@sweetdragon** : i know but i think he's like me

**@blondangel_** : ?

**@sweetdragon** : nobody loves him, or the real him, bc nobody knows him

**@blondangel_** : i love you

**@sweetdragon** : thank u

**@blondangel_ **: <3

End of private messages (12/05/2014, 2:20pm)

**@blondangel_**, 12/05/2014, 2:21pm:

i (really) love you

Saturday 

**@sweetdragon**, 12/06/2014, 11:03am:

i don't know why i feel like that but i don't like it

**@blondangel_**, 12/06/2014, 11:05am:

the day when he’ll finally realize will be a big day. hope it won’t be too late

Sunday 

**@sweetdragon**, 12/07/2014, 10:02pm:

i don't want to be attached to someone anymore. leave me alone

**@blondangel_**, 12/07/2014, 10:34pm:

you're not alone sweety, i'd like you to know that

Monday 

**@sweetdragon**, 12/08/2014, 4:53am:

i think i'm empty

**@sweetdragon**, 12/08/2014, 5:37am:

i think they were right, i can't be loved

**@sweetdragon**, 12/08/2014, 6:02am:

sorry, i think i'm going to take a break from here. see ya

**@blondangel_**, 12/08/2014, 6:46am:

i'm gonna kill him

**@blondangel_**, 12/08/2014, 8:12am:

i need to find him

**@blondangel_**, 12/08/2014, 8:14am:

thank god he met him thanks to pnn

**@blondangel_**, 12/08/2014, 8:15am:

it was my fault : i told him to text him

**@blondangel_**, 12/08/2014, 10:47am:

wrong pnn… i want to burn my eyes

Monday AM 

(11:02) ** _Baz?_ **

Monday PM 

(12:07) _ Who are you? _

(12:09) ** _I’m Agatha, a friend of Simon_ **

(12:13) _ I can’t talk to him. I’m sorry. _

(12:15) ** _I’m here on my own_ **

(12:16) _ Why? What’s going on? Is he fine? _

(12:16) ** _No_ **

(12:17) ** _And it’s your fault_ **

(12:22) _ I knew it. I'm toxic for everyone. I'm really sorry. Is he.. Alive? _

(12:29) ** _Barely_ **

(12:30) ** _He doesn't eat. He sleeps a lot. He left Twitter._ **

(12:30) _ I'm sorry. _

(12:31) ** _Stop saying you're sorry to me. Say it to him._ **

(12:32) _ I can't. _

(12:32) ** _Why ?_ **

(12:34) _ I can't tell you… _

(12:37) ** _You know, I hate you a lot, bc Simon likes YOU. But you made him happy. He talks about you all the fucking time. It was painful but I want that back. Bc it's even more painful to see him like that_ **

(12:48) _ If he really knew me he'd hate me. _

(12:50) ** _So tell him who you really are_ **

(12:55) _ It's not that simple. _

(12:56) ** _You’re the one complicating simple things_ **

(12:59) _ You have no idea what I am. _

(1:01)** _ So tell me_ **

\-- (1:02) _ I'm a fucking vampire. _ \--

(1:03) _ I'm a fucking monster. _

(1:04) ** _You're not. He said you're not and I believe him_ **

(1:48) ** _Talk to him_ **

Tuesday PM 

(5:12) Baz?

(5:14) _ Who is it this time? _

(5:20) A friend of Simon.

(5:21) _ Again? Is this a joke? _

(5:24) What? Who talked to you?

(5:24) _ Agatha. _

(5:28) I don't really know her. Simon talked to me about her but whatever. I'm here to tell you to talk to him.

(5:29) _ No. _

(5:30) Why?

(5:34) _ He will be afraid. _

(5:34) Why?

(5:38) _ Because I'm a monster. _

(5:39) Why?

(5:40) _ Stop with your "why". _

(5:41) No. I want to know.

(5:41) _ Fine. I'm fucking a vampire. Are you happy? _

In Baz’s head :

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What have I done?”

(5:42) Oh..

(5:42) _ It’s a joke! Ahahahahahahahahhahaahahhaha! _

(5:42) Are you in Watford?

(5:49) _ How do you know about this school? _

(5:50) I'm a Mage.

Wait. What? Baz was lost. So a friend of Simon was a Mage. Could it be possible that Simon was a Mage too? He thought of all the people he knew in Watford but no one was named Simon. It didn’t make any sense. 

(6:10) I’m in front of the Mummers House. Come.

Was it real? Baz read the text a dozen of times before getting out of his bed. There was only one way to be sure about it. He went out with his phone and down the stairs. Once he reached the door, he took a deep breath and walked out the door. He came across a young girl with curly hair and a worried expression on the face.

“Oh great, you’re here!”

He didn’t know how to react so he just said : “Hi!”

“I’m Penny. We have some classes together.

-Yeah, I remember you. You’re very clever.

-Thanks. But you’re more clever, Mister Top-of-the-class.”

Baz was embarrassed.

“Yeah whatever. So you’re a Mage. Is Simon a Mage too?

-No, I don’t think so. We met through a Twitter game or something like that.

-Oh yes, you’re my phone number neighbour. What a coincidence.

-Tell me about it! When he said your name to me, I had doubts, but I couldn’t believe it.

-So you knew I was a vampire.

-I also had doubts about that, you just confirmed my suspicions. But what were you thinking? Telling it to a stranger!

-I know, I know. It’s just so difficult not to talk to him and then you put me under pressure, and it was just too much.

-Lucky you, it was just me.

-So, you won’t tell him?

-No, it’s not my place.

-And you won’t report me ?

-No.”

A large smile appeared on her face. He had a sense of priorities.

“If you’re gone, who will be my rival in class?”

He sighed with relief.

“Thank you.

-No. I won’t accept a simple “Thank you”. If you’re really grateful, you should talk to Simon. He won’t answer any of my texts.

-But what if I ruin everything?

-You already did, but you can fix it.

-How?

-Talk to him.”

And he will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I failed. My laziness is stronger than me…  
I'll just post when a new chapter is finished I think. It's less stressful than having deadlines.  
I hope it's ok for you and I hope you still like my work.  
See ya !


End file.
